CATS
IN PHYSICS
Law
of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some
outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying
mouse.
Law
of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good
reason to change direction.
Law
of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion
to the darkness of the fabric.
Law
of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a
cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law
of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the
nap just taken.
Law
of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
Law
of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter
top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law
of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready
to stop.
Law
of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law
of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law
of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her
to do something.
First
Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will,
therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second
Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law
of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along
and take out something good to eat.
Law
of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed
of light.
Law
of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable
spot in any given room.
Law
of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest
possible nanosecond.
Law
of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment
times the amount of human laughter.
Law
of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he
can.
Law
of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the
cost of the furniture.
Law
of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
Law
of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount
of milk consumed.
Law
of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount
of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law
of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law
of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
ZZZZZ
