THE FIRST REALIZATIONS THAT YOU'RE NOT
IN COLLEGE ANYMORE
© Marty DeAngelo, Writer's
World, Inc. http://www.delanet.com/~martytdx/humor.htm
* You're waking up at 6 am instead of going
to bed.
* Beers at lunch get you reprimanded.
* College sweatshirts are 'casual' instead
of dress up.
* Your parents charge rent.
* The four food groups are no longer beer,
pizza, chips and cereal.
* It's 'getting late' when it's 9:30 p.m.
* Three words: Student Loan Payments.
* You make thousands of dollars a year -
and still can't afford that dream Porsche.
* You start eyeing the Light Beer Section
appreciatively.
* THEN, discussing with your friends:
GPA's, spring break plans, and tonsil hockey; NOW: mutual funds, interest
rates, and wedding plans.
* Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
* Naps are no longer available between noon
and 6 p.m.
* Sneakers are now 'weekend shoes'.
* Your salary is less than your tuition.
* Your potted plants stay alive.
* Having sex in a twin-sized bed seems
absurd.
* You keep more food than beer in the
fridge.
* You have to pay your own credit card
bill.
* Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a
well-balanced meal.
* You haven't seen a soap opera in over a
year.
* You have to file for your own taxes.
* You hear your favorite song on the
elevator at work.
* You're not carded anymore.
* You carry an umbrella.
* You learn that "Bachelor" is
nicer term for a jackass.
* "Extended childhood" only
really pertains to your salary,which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
* "Twenty-something" means
over-qualified, under-paid and not married.
* Your friends marry instead of hook-up;
and divorce instead of break-up.
* You start watching the weather channel.
* Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in
your wardrobe.
* You can no longer do shots, and smoking
gives you a sinus attack.
* You go from 130 days of vacation time to
7.
* You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K
run.
* You go to parties that the police don't
raid.
* Adults feel comfortable telling jokes
about sex in front of you.
* You don't know what time Wendy's closes
anymore.
* Your car insurance goes down.
* You refer to college students as kids.
* You drink wine, scotch and martinis
instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.
* Your parents start making casual remarks
about grandchildren.
* You feed your dog Science Diet instead of
Taco Bell.
* Dinner and a movie - The whole date
instead of the beginning of one.
* Pregnancy now brings thought of tax
deductions instead of coronaries.
* The only drugs you take are Tums and
Tylenol.
* The weak single you hit in the intramural
softball game is now remembered as a Varsity dinger for the League Championship.
* You get your news from sources other than
USA Today, ESPN Sportscenter, and MTV News.
* You wear more ties in a week than you
even owned while in college.
* You find yourself reminiscing fondly of
2-hour Calculus exams.
* You empathize with the characters from
'Friends.'
* METABOLISM SLOWDOWN
* Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone's
and Mad Dog.
* You actually eat breakfast foods at
breakfast time.
* Grocery lists actually contain relatively
healthy food.
* When drinking, you say at least once per
night, "I just can't put it down the same way as I used to.'
* Over 90% of the time you spend in front
of a computer is for real work, not video games.
* You're actually willing to pay a bit more
to drink in a bar that's not full of '21-year-old kids.'
* Golf is beginning to seem a lot less
silly.
 
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