TIPS
FOR SURVIVING COLLEGE
* Minimize food budget by scheduling
classes around Happy Hour.
* Enjoy being a Sophomore -- It will be the
best three years of your life.
* Wear an athletic cup to panty raids,
because it's all fun and games until someone loses their 'nads.
* Lemon juice and baking soda make an
excellent bong water stain remover.
* Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry
knowledge into lucrative "home pharmaceuticals" business.
* If an 8:00 am class is required for your
major, change your major.
* Boring lecture? Start a wave!
* College-level algebra: 5 returnable
bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.
* "I Phelta Thi" is *not* a real
fraternity, except at state colleges.
* Remember - almost no one complains when
you puke in a dumpster.
* Clever margin manipulation can turn a
4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.
* Football games were never meant to be
observed by sober people.
* Don't think of it as sleeping with your
professor -- think of it as "acing Biology."
* In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer
substitute in your breakfast cereal.
 
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