NEW
UNIVERSITY PROMOS
BROWN: Hey kids! Is half
of your head shaved? Do you have a nose ring? Are you terribly progressive and do you have
a lot of empathy? Are you sick and tired of silly things like grades and majors? COME TO
BROWN!!!
COLUMBIA: Hey kids! Do you
like Harlem? Do you like commuters? Are you planning on transferring to another Ivy school
after your freshman year? COME TO COLUMBIA!!!
HARVARD: Hey kids! Do you
hate teachers? I mean really hate them? Do you never want to have another teacher again?
And what about a social life? Do you hate that too? COME TO HARVARD!!!
PRINCETON: Hey kids! Do
you have any idea what an eating club is? Are you pompous? Can you learn to be? Are you
the smartest person you know? How many clubs were you in in high school? Have you always
dreamed of living in the great state of New Jersey? COME TO PRINCETON!!!
PENN: Hey kids! Did you
like high school a lot ? How about four more years of the same? Are you dying to visit
scenic West Philadelphia? Does the concept of rigorous academics scare you? COME TO
PENN!!!
CORNELL: Hey kids! Do you
hate intimacy? Are you interested in jumping off high places? Have you ever wanted to
converse with future hotel managers? Do you like bureaucracy? Do you like archaic forms
and the chance to stand in lines with the best and brightest? COME TO CORNELL -- The Big
Red Tape!!!
DARTMOUTH: Hey kids! Do
you hate civilization? Looking to get away from stuff like culture and people? Do you like
to drink? Do you like to drink some more? Do you like to continue to drink? And what's
your feeling on drinking? COME TO DARTMOUTH!!!
M.I.T.: Hey kids! Are you
a freakish nerd? Do you want to be? Do you hate doing anything that doesn't involve math?
That's right, math! Math math math math and more math! COME TO M.I.T.!!! PLEASE !!!
BOSTON COLLEGE: If you
haven't figured out how to invent the wheel (but have discovered fire and fire-sticks),
don't know your ass from your elbows (but do know genetic plant structures and genetic
recombination enough to produce 24 variants of 'da weed' with a garden weasel and a piece
of Egyptian chewing gum preserved for 2000 years, enjoy the advantages of indecision
(hence being in Boston, but not really), and enjoyed Student Council so much that you NEED
TO LIVE IT AGAIN, COME TO BC!!!
SYRACUSE: Hey kids, do you
like it when your Chancellor takes all your money and gives it to a private firm to design
a new logo and mascot because yours isn't selling well? Are athletics the only thing that
matters to you? Do you believe in money first, students last? Is your idea of a good time
learning about the History of the salt trade and the Erie canal? THEN COME TO SYRACUSE!!!
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