YOU'RE ADDICTED TO
YOUR COMPUTER IF...
* Your wife wants a diamond for her
birthday, and you get her a Diamond Stealth Video Card.
* You know what PPP, SLIP, HTML & FTP
mean...but darned if you can remember your wife's maiden name.
* You sit in front of the TV trying to type
at a keyboard.
* You find out that hemorrhoids aren't THAT
painful, as long as you're on the 'Net.
* When someone yells out "What's for
supper?" you do a search for SUPPER.COM.
* You suspect there's a virus in your
mashed potatoes.
* If you smoke away from the machine, you
notice that the breaks are getting shorter and less frequent.
* The optometrist looks deep in your eyes,
and sees a screen saver.
* You finally save up enough to visit the
Grand Canyon, and you can't help but wonder how it would look on a 21" SVGA.
* "Not tonight, I have a
headache" has been replaced with "Not tonight, I finally got connected."
* Your computer room has a better air
conditioner than your bedroom.
* You wonder if you can install your own
fiber optics telephone line to your server.
* You speak of "Your Server" with
the same reverence you used to reserve for your Doctor.
* You never met the guy, but you've already
decided on a plan to assassinate Bill Gates.
* You comment, while watching a sunset,
that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
* When someone tells you about a great new
program and you're very disappointed to find that it's on TV.
* If while driving down the street, you are
confused by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.
* When you find it easier to dial-up the
National Weather Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.
* When you start using phrases like:
Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home.com.
* If you call in sick because you found a
great new WWW site.
* If you can type your top 10 favorite Web
sites, by heart.
* If your fingers quit moving because
you've been online for 36 hours.
* If your net provider suggests you try a
competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month connect time.
* If on the way home from work, you use
your portable and cellular phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight,
and redirect it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.
* When your desk collapses under the weight
of your computer peripherals.
* If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your
car window.
* You refer to going to the bathroom as
downloading.
* You step out of your room and realize
that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.
* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to go from
top to bottom.
* Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.
* You start introducing yourself as
"Jim at net dot com"
* Your heart races faster and beats
irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.
* You turn on your intercom when leaving
the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
* Your wife drapes a blond wig over your
monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
* All of your friends have an @ in their
names.
* When looking at a web page full of
someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
* Your dog has its own home page.
* Your phone bill is a heavy as a brick.
* You write your homework in HTML and give
your instructor the URL.
* Your husband tells you that he has had
the beard for 2 months.
*You tell the kids they can't use the
computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.
* You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a
built-in keyboard and mouse.
* Your wife makes a new rule: "The
computer cannot come to bed."
* You get a tattoo that says "This
body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."
* You never have to deal with busy signals
when calling your ISP... because you never log off.
* The last girl you picked up was only a
GIF.
* You ask a plumber how much it would cost
to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
* Your wife says communication is important
in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of
you can chat.
* As your car crashes through the guardrail
on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
* You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning
to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
* You turn off your computer and get an
awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
* You decide to stay in college for an
additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
* You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.
* You start using smileys :-) in your snail
mail.
* You find yourself typing "com"
after every period when using a word processor.com.
* You can't correspond with your mother
because she doesn't have a computer.
* When your email box shows "no new
messages" and you feel really depressed.
* You don't know the gender of your three
closest friends because they have nondescript screen names and you never bothered to ask.
* You move into a new house and you decide
to Netscape before you landscape.
* Your family always knows where you are.
* In real life conversations, you don't
laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL"
* After reading this message, you
immediately forward it to a friend!
 
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