Due to the recent merger of AOL and Time
Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes:
* Time Magazine's next "Man Of The
Year" issue will feature Steve Case on the cover as the undisputed winner. This of
course will strictly be a coincidence.
* The standard irritating AOL popups will
be replaced by Warner Bros. cartoons. Now, Elmer Fudd will say, "You cwazy wabbit,
you've been onwine for 5 minutes and that's way-y-y too long... we're going to boot you
off!"
* When you try to access a web site that
AOL blocks because they know that you are too stupid to think for yourself, Tweety Bird
will say, "I tawt I taw a Puddy... I did, I did see a Puddy... ACCESS IS
DENIED!"
* The next time that you hear Bugs Bunny
say, "Eh, what's up Doc?" he will be referring to your monthly AOL subscription
charge.
* Now that AOL owns everything, there is no
one left for them to sell your private and personal information to. Therefore, they will
now use that information to obtain a mandatory AOL Visa card in your name and make
purchases on your behalf and bill you whatever they want whether you like it or not.
* Now, when you turn off your TV set, AOL
will automatically download television programs without your permission and delete the
channels of competitors that they don't want you to watch. Of course the next logical step
will be popup ads on the screen while you're trying to watch your favorite show, and the
inevitable outcome will be... "You've been watching TV for too long, your connection
has been terminated"... CLICK!
