SHORT COMPUTER JOKES
There was once a young man who, in his
youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he
said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will
react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain
and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error
messages.
The software engineering field is staffed
primarily by men; the ratio of male to female software engineers is on the order of 15 to
1. This makes it pretty easy for women to find potential mates among their peers. However,
software types have a well-earned reputation for being... a little strange.
While discussing the prospect of working in
the software industry, one woman commented to another: "The odds are good, but the
goods are odd."
A ragged individual stranded for several
months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a
bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out
the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he
read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
This customer comes into the computer
store. "I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know,
something really challenging."
"Well," replied the clerk,
"Have you tried Windows 98?"
First man: "You know, I hear Microsoft
is going to start making Condoms."
Second man: "That gives a whole new
meaning to the words, 'General Protection Fault.'"
Definition of an upgrade = Take old bugs
out, put new ones in.
The day Microsoft will make something that
doesn't suck is probably the day they'll start making vacuum cleaners.
Redmond, WA--Microsoft announced today that
the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be
delayed until the second quarter of 1901.
What do computers eat when they get hungry?
Chips.
How is the new iMac like a woman?
Neither one will take a 3 1/2 inch floppy and they both like a big hard drive.
What's the difference between Windows 95
and a virus?
A virus does something.
Why is sex like software?
For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it for free.
The government is closing in on Bill Gates
in the Microsoft antitrust trial. If Gates has to do time, I've got a feeling that he may
get a taste of his own medicine when Big Louie in Cellblock 3 tries to forcibly install
his "Inmate Explorer."
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a
Windows box crashed...
Oh, wait a minute, he already does.
SERENITY PRAYER FOR
THE ONLINE ADDICT
God, grant me the serenity to accept a
server I cannot change,
Courage to walk past the computer without turning it on when I'm running late,
And the wisdom to know the difference between
"Come to bed now" (meaning "Let's have some fun!")
and "Come to bed NOW!" (meaning "That computer has got to GO"!)
Amen
 
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