NEW MICROSOFT
KEYBOARD
Microsoft Corporation has just announced a
new PC keyboard designed specifically for Windows. {Sources say a Macintosh variant is in
the works.} In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard, Microsoft's new design
adds several new keys which will make your Windows computing even more fun! The final
specs are not yet set, so please feel free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far
are:
* GPF key - This key will
instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representatives
state that the purpose of the GPF key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the
need to run an application in order to produce a General Protection Fault.
* $$ key - When this key
is pressed, money is transferred automatically from your bank account to Microsoft without
the need for further action or third party intervention.
* ZD key - This key was
developed specifically for reviewers of Microsoft products. When pressed it inserts random
superlative adjectives in any text which contains the words Microsoft or Windows within
the file being edited.
* MS key - This key runs a
Microsoft commercial entitled "Computing for Mindless Drones" in a 1" x
1" window.
* FUD key - Some thing to
do with the display ... self explanatory.
* Chicago key - Generates
do nothing loops for months at a time.
* IBM key - Searches your
hard disk for operating systems or applications by vendors other than Microsoft and
deletes them. (Is very effective at removing Netscape).
* MSN key - With a single
keystroke you will install and setup the world's second slowest web access (AOL takes
first place). And you thought it was tough deleting all of the SetupMSN files from Win 95!
* RW95 key - Stands for
Re-install Windows 95. Because it's usually a weekly ritual for most Win 95 users, why not
make it easier?
* FDISK key - Microsoft's
new compression utility gives you 100% data compression guaranteed. Could stand for Format
Disk, but we all know what it really stands for.
 
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