HOW TO BE ANNOYING
IN NEWSGROUPS
* Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans
like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f......
manual) to show that they're "hip" to the lingo. Make up your own that don't
stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what
they stand for ("You don't know? RDFM").
* WRITE ALL YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND
DON'T USE PERIODS OR RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ
EVERY LINE ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!!! AND DDOOUUBBLLEESS TO SHOW THAT YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT
BEING HERE!!!!!!!
* When replying to your mail, correct
everyone's grammar and spelling and point out their typos, but don't otherwise respond to
the content of their messages. When they respond testily to your 'creative
criticism," do it again. Continue until they go away.
* Software and files offered on-line are
often "compressed" so that it won't take so long to travel over the phone lines.
Buy a compression program and compress everything you send, including one-word E-mail
responses like "Thanks."
* Upload text files with Bible passages
about sin or guilt and give them names like "SexyHouseWives," then see how many
people download them. Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-on.
Take bets and calculate odds on the results of each upload's popularity.
* cc: all your E-mail to
president@whitehouse.gov so that he can keep track of what's happening on the information
Superhighway Internet.
* Join a discussion group, and tie
whatever's being discussed back to an unrelated central theme of your own. For instance,
if you're in a discussion of gun control, respond to every message with the observation
that those genetically superior tomatoes seem to have played an important role. Within
days, all discussion of gun control will have ceased as people write you threatening
messages and instruct all other members to ignore you.
 
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