WHAT
DOCTORS SAY / WHAT THEY'RE REALLY THINKING
* "This should be taken care of right
away."
(I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to
fix it before it cures itself.)
* "Welllllll, what have we
here...?"
(He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.)
* "Let me check your medical
history."
(I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.)
* "Why don't we make another
appointment later in the week."
(I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time or I need the bucks, so I'm
charging you for another office visit.)
* "We have some good news and some bad
news."
(The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for
it.)
* "Let's see how it develops."
(Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.)
* "Let me schedule you for some
tests."
(I have a forty-percent interest in the lab.)
* "I'd like to have my associate look
at you."
(He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.)
* "I'd like to prescribe a new
drug."
(I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.)
* "If it doesn't clear up in a week,
give me a call."
(I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.)
* "That's quite a nasty looking
wound."
(I think I'm going to throw up.)
* "This may smart a little."
(Last week two patients bit off their tongues.)
* "Well, we're not feeling so well
today, are we?"
(I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?)
* "This should fix you up."
(The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.)
* "Everything seems to be
normal."
(Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.)
* "I'd like to run some more
tests."
(I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.)
* "Do you suppose all this stress
could be affecting your nerves?"
(You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with
me.)
* "There is a lot of that going
around."
(My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.)
* "If those symptoms persist, call for
an appointment."
(I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.)
 
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