1) A mammal found extensively throughout
the planet, often clustered in groups in front of television sets. Thought to be a member
of Homo Sapiens due to physical similarities, though social and emotional behavior leads
many researchers to consider Teenagers to be a completely different species altogether.
Very territorial.
Teenagers are extraordinarily social
animals, seeking contact with their peer groups to such a great extent they will forgo
family, chores, food, and responsibility. The males of the species forage for food
constantly and can consume three times their weight every day. When in full plumage, the
males are usually drab, marked by loose fitting garments which slide off their backsides
and look ridiculous.
The females, on the other hand, sport
striking colors under their eyes, throughout their hair, and on the tips of their fingers.
Females often attract males by wearing garments to accentuate chest development. Males
indicate their approval by staring at the display. The call of the female is complex and
shrill: "Like, O m'Gosh! O m' Gosh!" Males are less vocal, signaling to other
males with a salutatory "Yo. Yo. Yo. S'up? S'up? S'up?"
Teenagers line their nests with discarded
undergarments. The females hold telephone receivers to their ears an average of six hours
a day. When challenged for possession, they snarl and warn intruders, "I'm doing my
HOMEWORK. My HOMEWORK. My HOMEWORK." The males lie immobile for hours at a time,
conserving energy and listening to violent electronic signals from radios. Male Teenagers
concentrate on important information by rolling their eyes, shrugging, kicking dirt and
sighing. Females burst into tears and slam doors. Many Homo Sapiens families have a
host-to-parasite relationship with one or more than one Teenager. These host families
often develop a resistance to the parasite, rejecting them some time in the eighteenth
year of life. Often, though, this rejection is merely theoretical, with the Teenager
continuing to live off of the host Homo Sapiens family for many years afterward, often at
great sacrifice.
2) Of, relating to, and especially
EXPLAINING irrational, intolerable, or inexplicable behavior. ("She's a
Teenager.")
3) A request for sympathy, offered by adult
parents to each other in support. ("I have a Teenager at home.") Often
accompanied by sighs, head shaking, tongue clucking, and shoulder shrugging.
