WRAPPING
PRESENTS WITH A CAT
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping
present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which
present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of
wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent
sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials
on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove
cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat
from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to
size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep
the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat
tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by
putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in
present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove
cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in
place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying
to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky
tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down
hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a
two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that
is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last
sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to
save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that
you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with
string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with
present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start
to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put
cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper.
(Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start
repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with
ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your
handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make
drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat,
before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove
cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of
wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you
are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile
sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a
badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year, you
will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.
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