'Twas the night before Christmas,
When all through the house,
The whole damn family
was as drunk as a louse.
Grandma and Grandpa
were singin' a song,
And the kid was in bed,
floggin' his dong.
Ma
home from the
cathouse,
And I out of jail,
We had just settled down
for a good piece of tail.
When out on the lawn,
Arose such a clatter,
I sprang off Ma
to see what the hell was a matter.
Away to the window,
I made a mad dash,
Flew open the shutters
and fell on my ass.
But what to my bloodshot eyes but appear,
A rusty old sled and a dozen reindeer,
And a little old driver holding his dick,
I knew right away it was that bastard St. Nick.
(Santa) "On dasher, on Blitzen,
up over those walls,
Quickly now, damnit,
or I'll cut off your balls."
Upon the roof,
He floundered and fell,
And came right down the chimney
like a bat out of hell.
He staggered and stumbled
on over to the door,
Tripped over his cock,
And fell on the floor.
And I heard him exclaim,
As he rode out of sight,
"Piss on you all,
It's been a hell of a night!"
