** CODE RED ************
INTERPOL ALERT ************ CODE RED **
All units are to be on the lookout for the
following individual(s) that are WANTED by an agencies within the United States of
America. The US State Department has expressed interest in extraditing the following
individual(s) from anywhere in the world.
NAME: Kringle, Christopher
Also Known As: Santa, Jolly Old Man, Saint Nick
Race: Unknown
Height: 6' 0"
Weight: 320 lbs
Scars/tattoos: Across both buttocks words
Merry Christmas.
Last seen wearing Red suit pants and Jacket
with red thermal underwear. Red hat with white tassel. Known to be driving a 1964 red
convertible, with a nine Reindeer powered engine. Vehicle was displaying a red light on
the front in violation of State of Alaska Vehicle Traffic Law.
Wanted for the following criminal
violations:
Being jolly in a No Jolly zone, breaking
and entering dwellings, leaving un-addressed packages in violation of US Postal Laws,
Intentional dumping of reindeer feces in
sewer drains in violation of US EPA Laws, unlawful crossing of US Borders without
reporting the crossing to US Customs, failure to obtain a non-resident work permit from
INS, operating a motor vehicle that is not in compliance with US DOT Regulations, unlawful
work practice in violation of the Equal Opportunity laws of the USA (will not employ
people taller than (4) four feet in height), excess noise from motor vehicle in violation
of State of Alaska Vehicle and Traffic Laws (Sounds of HO HO HO coming from within
vehicle), failure to respond to repeated request for identification by FAA Flight
controllers, and also in violation of the sovereign airspace of the United States of
America.
Individual is known to force Goodwill and
Peace among all men/women. Has been know to assault people with vicious bouts of laugh and
fun. If contact is made with above individual, caution should be taken as to not become
happy and gay, especially with thoughts of sugar plums. Detain individual and contact
either Detective Grinch, North Pole Police Dept. Alaska, Or Special Agent Scrooge of the
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
