WAYS TO CONFUSE
SANTA
* Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a
salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
* While he's in the house, go find his
sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
* Leave him a note, explaining that you've
gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
* While he's in the house, replace all his
reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get
them to fly.
* Keep an angry bull in your living
room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he
sees that big, red Santa suit!
* Leave a note by the telephone, telling
Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of
bread on his way home.
* Throw a surprise party for Santa when he
comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
* While he's in the house, find the sleigh
and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't
have missed that last payment, and take off.
* Take everything out of your house as if
it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and
say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
* Leave out a copy of your Christmas list
with last-minute changes and corrections.
* While he's in the house, cover the top of
the chimney with barbed wire.
* Leave Santa a note, explaining that
you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new
house.
* Set a bear trap at the bottom of the
chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but
from a distance, he looked like a bear.
* Paint "hoof-prints" all over
your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he
comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
 
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