REASONS
YOU WON'T WIN THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST
- The Bride of Frankenstein had big, pointy
hair and a small, round ass not the other way around.
- 'Cause you should know that wearing a
white sheet in Atlanta could only lead to getting your ass whupped, Homeboy.
- Your "Naked Linda Tripp"
costume is actually more nauseating than scary.
- Your "Yanni" costume got you
beat up on the way to the party, four times.
- Your Dirk Diggler costume is merely
embarrassing now that your "Diggler" is stuck in the car door.
- Your beret falls off every time you
kneel.
- Yellow Homer Simpson makeup? Check. Can
of Homer Simpson "Duff Beer?" Check. Homer Simpson pants? DOH!!!!
- No one can tell whether you came as Abe
Vigoda or Marge Schott.
- This year's guest judge, Elizabeth Dole,
has apparently never even *heard* of Marilyn Manson.
- Much to your surprise, three other people
came dressed as Nikola Tesla, father of alternating current.
- The judges wrongly interpreted your
"Liposuction By-product" costume as a "Bowl of Tapioca Pudding"
costume.
- The only song you knew to go with the
costume was "Mammy," and the judges at the NAACP party were not impressed.
- *Nobody* likes a farting clown.
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