SIGNS YOU'RE CAUGHT
UP IN THE HOLIDAY SHOPPING FRENZY
* Before stepping out of your car, you put
in a mouthpiece, slip on protective goggles, and tape your ankles.
* You've somehow convinced yourself that
"Visa burn" entitles you to park in handicapped spaces.
* You call the kids to dinner and hear
their muffled screams coming from boxes you wrapped that afternoon.
* At 95% off, you don't care if that Acme
Iron Lung works or not -- your kids are going to use it and appreciate it!
* Sure, the sign says "1 Furby per
customer", but they're probably not doing body cavity searches.
* The bank has replaced your Platinum Visa
with a one-of-a-kind Plutonium Visa.
* On any given day, you have more plastic
on you than Anna Nicole Smith and Pamela Anderson Lee combined.
* In an effort to please your 5-year-old,
you trade your 2-year-old for a Furby.
* Upon awakening on the sofa, you discover
10 beer empties, 5 Cheeto's bags, and an answering machine message thanking you for your
order of 100 Dale Earnhardt Hummel Figures.
* The producer of "American
Gladiators" calls after seeing you fight for the last Furby on CNN.
* Just too busy shopping to fact-check your
NY Times article.
* Currently spending more time at
"Amazon.com" than at "AmazonWomen.com"
* Your MasterCard bill arrives on a Zip
disk.
* You hike up your skirt in front of the
Toys 'R' Us manager, and in a throaty moan utter, "Wanna trade Furbies?"
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