ADVICE FOR SCARY
SITUATIONS, ESPECIALLY ON HALLOWEEN
* When it appears that you have killed the
monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.
* If you find that your house is built upon
or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous
inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had
inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house move away immediately.
* Never read a book of demon summoning
aloud, even as a joke.
* Do not search the basement, especially if
the power has just gone out.
* If your children speak to you in Latin or
any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which
is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in
the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be
prepared.
* When you have the benefit of numbers,
*never* pair off and go it alone.
* As a general rule, don't solve puzzles
that open portals to Hell.
* Never stand in, on, above, below, beside,
or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
* If you're searching for something which
caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you
value your life.*
* If appliances start operating by
themselves, move out.
* Do not take *anything* from the dead.
* If you find a town which looks deserted,
it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
* Don't fool with recombinant DNA
technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
* If you're running from the monster,
expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female
persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is
merely rambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
* If your companions suddenly begin to
exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
* Stay away from certain geographical
locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the
Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
* If your car runs out of gas at night, do
not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
* Beware of strangers bearing tools such as
chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers,
butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
* Don't make fun of or play with dead
things.
* If you see a town that looks deserted
except for children, do not try to 'help' them - they will eat you.
* If you walk into the local
abandoned-looking church to seek help or shelter, and you notice that the crucifix is
mounted upside down, turn around and go back outside as quietly as possible.
* Never have sex in the bunkbeds of
recently renovated summer camps.
* Whenever you land on a distant planet and
find some objects that look like eggs, leave them alone.
* Do not allow crewmates back aboard the
craft if and after you have found a hideous parasite attached to his/her body.
* Be forewarned that a gun is only good for
ALMOST killing the monster, never for COMPLETELY killing it. Be sure to have an extra
weapon, preferably one with a "flair" (a knife, a harpoon, a heavy box, razor
confetti, pop tarts...)
* Don't open the closed door, especially if
you hear scratching, heavy breathing, or the voice of a dear relative whom you THOUGHT was
dead.
* Never bathe, especially when in the house
alone.
* If you are a female, never show your
breasts. Easy women die fast.
* Never camp or build homes on Indian
burial grounds.
* If the phone lines are dead, and you hear
footsteps upstairs, and you say "Tom... Tom is that you?" and Tom does not
answer, run away.
* If you have to run away, taking a bus is
your best bet. If you take a car the monster will be in it.
  
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