HOW TO LIVEN UP
THANKSGIVING DINNER
* Open the oven, shove hunks of Velveeta
into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.
* Shoot olive pits at Granpa's glasses
(just pinch them in your fingers and they FLY!!)
* Whenever someone at the table says a word
beginning with the letter R, make a loud "BUZZ"ing noise.
* Bring along old recorded football games,
pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking.
* Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through
a straw.
* Bring a date that only talks about
her/his spouse at home.
* Hold your nose while you eat.
* Recite the tragic and abusive conditions
known to exist at turkey farms.
* Mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See
mom, I told you they wouldn't notice, you were worried for nothing."
* Load your plate up high, then take it to
the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the
table.
* Announce that you've got a new fear of
choking.
* When you arrive, promise that your date
won't be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together
all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.
* Twitch a lot and nervously tell the
person next to you, "THE SAFETY IS ON", while you hold your pocket.
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