HOW THE TURKEY SAVED
THE DAY
There was an old married couple that had
happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was
caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise
would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would
choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one
in the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to
see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was
just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave
the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if
he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."
The years went by and the wife continued to
suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts
out" until one Thanksgiving morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare
the family feast. She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey.
While she was taking out the turkey's
innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem.
With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly
walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly
asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey
shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them
up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.
Several hours later she heard her husband
awake with his normal loud ass-trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling
scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom.
The wife could not control herself and her
eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with
him she had finally gotten even.
About twenty minutes later, her husband
came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit
her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right - all
those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his
wife.
"Well you always told me that I would
end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the
grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got'em all back in."
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