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UNPOPULAR VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS

* Thinking of you sweetheart, which, technically, the court order can't prevent.

* Just wanted to say "I love you" when I wasn't falling down drunk.

* If only we weren't so closely related!

* Even though I'm a Bosnian Serb, You're my favorite Croat Muslim!

* I'm too shy to ask in person, but what is that thing on your face? A mole, a wart? WHAT????

* You're too beautiful to resist, my under-the-ether dental patient.

* I'm more than half interested in you, my hermaphroditic darling!

* The Medicated Shampoo Took Care of It.

* I'm Glad the Arkansas State Troopers Brought You to My Hotel Room, Valentine!

* I'll Give You Money To Have Sex With Me.

* Just thinking of you while I am drunk and no one else will have sex with me.

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