SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT
NEED A DIFFERENT LAWYER
* During the trial, you catch him playing
his Gameboy.
* Every couple of minutes he yells, "I
call Jack Daniel's to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
* He frequently gives juror No. 4 the
finger.
* He places a large "No Refunds"
sign on the defense table.
* He begins closing arguments with,
"As Ally McBeal once said ..."
* He keeps citing the legal case of
Godzilla v. Mothra.
* Just before trial starts he whispers,
"The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
* Just before he says "Your
Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
* The sign in front of his law office reads
"Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."
* Whenever his objection is overruled, he
tells the judge, "Whatever."
* He giggles every time he hears the word
"briefs."
* Opening argument in which he called the
prosecutor a "Doo-Doo Head" could hurt your case.
* Tries to cheer you up by saying how great
you look in orange.
* Giggles hysterically at the mere mention
of the Penal Code.
* Keeps trying to call a witness named
"Johnny, the Trouser Troll."
* The only question he can come up with
during cross-examination is, "Isn't it true that you're a lying bastard?"
* Constantly raising objections to the
"vibes" he's getting from the jury.
* Every time the judge sustains one of his
objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!"
* Instead of saying, "Your honor, I
object," he now just rolls his eyes and says, "Whatever."
* Claims staring at your cleavage is a
necessary part of the "discovery" processes.
* Offers to waive his usual fees in
exchange for your panties.
* You met him in prison.
* During your initial consultation he tries
to sell you Amway.
* He tells you that his last good case was
a Budweiser.
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer
is, they high-five each other.
* He picks the jury by playing
"duck-duck-goose."
* He tells you that he's never told a lie.
* He asks a hostile witness to "pull
my finger."
* A prison guard is shaving your head.
 
|
