Q: How many lawyers does it take to change
a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed to perform
the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following
agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and
the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and
forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall
be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area
ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just
inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover
illumination being at the option of the party of the second party (Light Bulb) and not
required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction
shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer)
shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or
any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate
the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction
being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible
caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of
the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the afore-mentioned failure of
the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and
agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that
structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the
aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer)
shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned
so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the
party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party
of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part
("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of
disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all
applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been
achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning
installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This
installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures
described in step one of this self- same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be
performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the
first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him
to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity
of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and
revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".
