NEW
LAWS TO REGULATE THE HUNTING & HARVESTING OF ATTORNEYS
370.01 - Any person with a valid in-state
rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and
sport (non-commercial) purposes.
370.02 - Taking of attorneys with traps or
deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.
370.03 - The willful killing of attorneys
with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in
reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney
should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the
nearest car wash.
370.04 - It is unlawful to chase, herd or
harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.
370.05 - It is unlawful to shout,
"WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes
of trapping attorneys.
370.06 - It is unlawful to hunt attorneys
within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoon.
370.07 - It is unlawful to hunt attorneys
within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or
brothels.
370.08 - If an attorney gains elective
office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess the same.
370.09 - It is unlawful for a hunter to
wear a disguise as a reporter, accident victim, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant
for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
370.10 - Bag and Possession Limits per day:
Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2; Two-faced tortteasors, 1; Back-stabbing divorce litigators,
3; Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2; Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4. Honest attorneys protected
(Endangered Species Act).
ARS 8007.21 - It is illegal to take
attorneys with a moving vehicle unless there are no measurable skid marks at the kill
site.
