YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM
CALIFORNIA WHEN...
* The fastest part of your commute is down
your driveway.
* You were born somewhere else.
* You know how to eat an artichoke.
* The primary bugs that you worry about are
electronic.
* Your car has bullet-proof windows.
* Left is right and right is wrong.
* Your monthly house payments exceed your
annual income.
* Your mouse has only one ball.
* You need a new TV, you can run down to
the local riot and pick one up.
* You dive under a desk whenever a large
truck goes by.
* You can't find your other earring because
your son is wearing it.
* You drive to your neighborhood block
party.
* Your family tree contains
"significant others."
* Your cat has its own psychiatrist.
* You don't exterminate your roaches, you
smoke them.
* You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
* More than clothes come out of the
closets.
* When "the Dead" are best live.
* You go to a tanning salon before going to
the beach.
Your blind date turns out to be your
ex-spouse.
* More money is spent on facelifts than on
diapers.
* Smoking in your office is not optional.
* You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing
in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
* When you can't schedule a meeting because
you must "do lunch."
* Your children learn to walk in
Birkenstocks.
* Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story
for the local news.
* You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to
wait for the hot tub repairman.
* You consult your horoscope before
planning your day.
* A glass has been reserved for you at your
favorite winery.
* When all highways into the state say:
"no fruits."
* All highways out of the state say:
"Go back."
 
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