A
CANADIAN
* Thinks an income tax refund is a gift
from the government.
* On seeing a light at the end of a tunnel,
assumes it is a train.
* When given a compliment, always looks
behind to see for whom it is intended.
* Knows the difference between the Northern
Lights and a Northern Lite.
* Doesn't know anyone who owns a flag.
* Finds Kentucky Fried Chicken "a bit
too spicy".
* Holds the world's record for telephone
use, probably listening to "Don't hang up. Your call is important to us."
* Is constantly pulling himself up by the
roots to see whether he is still growing.
* Will drive to an unemployment protest
meeting in his Toyota.
* Is convinced that democracy involves
keeping your opinions to yourself.
* In a restaurant, apologizes for not being
ready to order at the waiter's convenience.
* Will travel across the border to buy
cigarettes and return home for subsidized cancer therapy.
* Says "sorry" when you
accidentally bump into him.
* Waits for the light to change before
crossing a deserted intersection at 3 a.m.
* Takes as a signal for a standing ovation
any two people who happen to be leaving during curtain calls.
* Believes the Free Trade Agreement is an
agreement about free trade.
* Says "no big deal" to a
sidewalk cyclist who's just knocked him down.
* Considers turning up the thermostat an
integral part of foreplay.
* Says "no thanks" to a
telemarketing tape.
* Never sits in someone else's seat, even
if the ticket holder doesn't show.
* Says hi to anyone walking a dog.
* Goes to hot-tub parties where people wear
bathing suits.
* Finds himself thinking about sending off
to "Hinterland: Who's Who" for further information on the loon.
* Carries travelers checks in a money belt.
* Heartily proclaims, "Sure it's 38
below, but it's a dry cold."
* When he musters enough courage to buy a
Rolex watch, wears it hidden under a long-sleeve shirt and an Eaton's suit.
 
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