YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM
NEW YORK CITY WHEN...
* You think Central Park is
"nature."
* You're paying $1,200 for a studio the
size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."
* You've been to New Jersey twice and got
hopelessly lost both times.
* You pay more each month to park your car
than most people in the U.S. pay in rent.
* You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the
clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.
* You have 27 different menus next to your
telephone.
* Going to Brooklyn is considered a
"road trip."
* America west of the Hudson is still
theoretical to you.
* You're suspicious of strangers who are
actually nice to you.
* You take a taxi to get to your health
club to exercise.
* Your idea of personal space is no one
actually standing on your toes.
* $50 worth of groceries fit in one paper
bag.
* Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is
Korean, your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is
Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watch
seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is
Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.
* You say "the city" and expect
everyone to know that it means Manhattan.
* You secretly envy cabbies for their
driving skills.
* You have never been to the Statue of
Liberty or the Empire State Building.
* You can get into a four-hour argument
about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long
weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
* Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
* The subway makes sense.
* The subway should never be called
anything prissy, like the Metro.
* You believe that being able to swear at
people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
* You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a
fair price.
* You've considered stabbing someone just
for saying "The Big Apple."
* Your door has more than three locks.
* You go to a hockey game for the fighting.
In the stands. To participate.
* Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.
* The most frequently used part of your car
is the horn.
* You consider eye contact an act of overt
aggression.
* You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass
a yard. You complain about having to mow it.
* You are a skee-ball juggernaut.
* You consider Westchester
"Upstate."
* You cried the day Mayor Ed Koch took over
for Judge Wapner.
* You run when you see a flashing "Do
Not Walk" sign at the intersection.
 
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