YOU
KNOW YOU'RE IN TEXAS WHEN...
* You no longer associate bridges (or
rivers) with water.
* You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
* You can make instant sun tea.
* You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty
good branding iron.
* The temperature drops below 95, you feel
a bit chilly...
* You discover that in July, it takes only
2 fingers to drive your car.
* You discover that you can get a sunburn
through your car window.
* You notice the best parking place is
determined by shade instead of distance.
* Hot water now comes out of both taps.
* It's noon in July, kids are on summer
vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
* You actually burn your hand opening the
car door...
* You break a sweat the instant you step
outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
* No one would dream of putting vinyl
upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning...
* Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is,
"What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
* You realize that asphalt has a liquid
state.
IT'S SO HOT IN TEXAS
THAT...
* The birds have to use pot holders to pull
worms out of the ground.
* The potatoes cook underground, and all
you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
* Farmers are feeding their chickens
crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
IT'S SO DRY IN TEXAS
THAT...
* The cows are giving evaporated milk.
* The trees are whistlin' for the dogs.
* A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it
would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it - but for my 7-year-old."
* A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does
it ever rain out here?"
A rancher quickly answered "Yes, it
does. Do you remember that part in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40
nights?"
The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm
familiar with Noah's flood."
"Well," the rancher puffed up, we
got 'bout two and a half inches of that."
 
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