YOU
KNOW YOU'RE ITALIAN WHEN...
- You're 5'4", can bench press 325
pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.
- Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000
in the bank, but still drives a 76 Monte Carlo.
- You share a bathroom with your 5
brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro or Firebird.
- Your mechanic, plumber, electrician,
accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.
- You consider dunking a cannoli in an
espresso a nutritious breakfast.
- Your 2 best friends are your cousin and
your brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
- You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more
than 3 strip clubs.
- Despite the hair on your back, you still
try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just do me" tank top to the beach.
- At least 5 of your cousins live on your
street.
- All 5 of those cousins are named after
your grandfather.
- A high school diploma and 1 year of
Nassau Community College has earned you the title of "professor" among your
aunts.
- You are on a first name basis with at
least 8 banquet hall owners.
- If someone in your family grows beyond
5'6", it is presumed his mother had an affair.
- There were more than 28 people in your
bridal party.
- You netted more than $50,000 on your
first communion.
- At some point in your life, you were a
D.J
- 30 years after immigrating, your parents
still say "Pronto" when answering the phone.
- You have ever been in a fight defending
Sly Stallone's thespian greatness.
- Somewhere on your parents' property,
there is a bathtub Madonna.
- You build your house with 3 materials....
brick, brick and wrought iron.
- You have at least one sister that went to
Beauty School.
- Clothes from the Chess King will actually
fit you.
- It is impossible for you to talk with
your hands in your pockets.
- Have been to a funeral where talk of the
deceased is, "He shoulda kept his big yap shut."
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