50 FACTS ABOUT WOMEN
1. Women love to shop. It is the one area
of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
2. Women especially love a bargain. The
question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on
sale is fair game.
3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't
question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".
4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it
alone unless they know you can hear them.
5. Women will always ask questions that
have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates
them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
7. Women need to feel like there are people
worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so
successful.
8. Women don't need sex as often as men do.
This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing
that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.
9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed
ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.10. Women can't keep
secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being
untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
11. Women always go to public restrooms in
groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing
phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.
13. Women never understand why men love
toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off"
switch.
14. Women think all beer is the same.
15. Women keep three different shampoos and
two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell
like a tropical rain forest.
16. Women don't understand the appeal of
sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek
entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.
17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip,
he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on
a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like
wearing each day.
18. Women brush their hair before bed.
19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and
you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.
20. Women are paid less than men, except
for one field: Modeling.
21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is
the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible". Hmmm, who was it that gave
Adam the apple?
22. Women do not know anything about cars.
"Oil- stick, oil doesn't stick?"
23. Women have better restrooms. They get
the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.
24. The average number of items in a
typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
25. Women love cats. Men say they love
cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
26. Women love to talk on the phone. A
woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the
same friend and they will talk for three hours.
27. A woman will dress up to go shopping,
water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
28. Women will drive miles out of their way
to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.
29. Women don't try as hard as men during
sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.
30. Women do NOT want an honest answer to
the question, 'How do I look?'
31. PMS stands for: Permissible
Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood
Swings and Punish My Spouse.
32. The first naked man a women see is
"Ken".
33. Women are insecure about their weight,
butt, and breast sizes.
34. Women will make three right-hand turns
to avoid making one left-hand turn.
35. "Oh, nothing," has an
entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.
36. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing
on women.
37. Women cannot use a map without turning
the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
38. All women are overweight by definition;
don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this
up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.
39. If it is not Valentines day and you see
a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did
you do?"
40. Only women understand the reason for
"guest towels" and the "good china".
41. Women want equal rights, but you rarely
hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with
those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet,
taking out the trash, and picking up the check.
42. Origin of the word "woman"
is: woo-man.
43. If a man ticks off a woman she will
often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it
impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets
them in more trouble)
44. Women never check to see if the lid is
up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men
out because they "left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering
it themselves.
45. Women can get out of speeding tickets
by pouting. This will get men arrested.
46. Women don't really care about a sense
of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom
Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
47. Women fake orgasm because men fake
foreplay.
48. It's okay for women to dance with each
other and not be gay. You don't see straight men dancing together.
49. Women will spend hours dressing up to
go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can
never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other
women.
50. The most embarrassing thing for women
is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say,
"Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!"
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