IF DEAR ABBY WERE A
MAN...
Q: My fiancée still has feelings for his
old girlfriends. I'm afraid he will not be faithful.
A: A man's capacity to love is boundless.
It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few
other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to
buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of
his behavior.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with
the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior --
and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with
other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair,
and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and
happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a
nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his
behavior.
Q: My husband wants to experience
three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you.
He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from
being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins
involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a
nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his
behavior.
Q: My husband continually asks me to
perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting,
but has only 10 calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure
and gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you to
perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man.
This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive
present, and cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband goes straight to sleep after
making love - we have no time to talk.
A: Sex is an extremely difficult task for a
man. Afterwards he needs rest. In fact, the more he loves you, the more hard work his
lovemaking is, and the more rest he needs. Stop putting pressure on him. Best thing to do
is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and don't mention this
aspect of his behavior.
Q: My husband's efforts at lovemaking only
last 30 seconds.
A: Your husband loves you very much. He is
so turned on by you that he cannot control himself. In fact, the shorter the 'effort' the
more he loves you. Return this love by buying a nice, expensive present, cooking him a
nice meal and not mentioning his behavior.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What
it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should -- he has to work a lot to
get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying a
nice expensive present, cooking a nice meal and not mentioning this behavior.
Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is
fostered by militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't
mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present ..and
don't forget to cook him a delicious meal.
|
