THINGS
TO DO WITH A DEAD PECKER
1. Insert bulb and use as flashlight.
2. Fill with ink and use as bingo dabber.
3. Fill with Frosting and squeeze to
decorate cake.
4. Use it as a decoration to hang from your
rearview mirror.
5. Hang a dried out one inside an
upside-down clay pot for an interesting bell. Gives new meaning to the phrase "ding
dong."
6. Nail it to the wall and use it for a
coat rack.
7. In a pinch, poke extra holes in the end
and replace shower nozzle.
8. Conversation piece on the coffee table
("Oh, that's just Ronald when he was in his prime...").
9. Redneck girl's toothpick holder.
10. Dip it in candied apple glaze and make
an all day sucker out of it.
11. Fill with Vicks and use as a nose
inhaler.
12. Fill it up with plaster of Paris and
use it as a microphone while singing the Lorena Bobbitt song.
13. Stick a Mickey mouse head on the tip,
slit the dick horizontally, insert a spring in the bottom, and use as a Pez dispenser.
14. Soak in it Starch, let it dry, and use
it as a dildo.
15. To induce vomiting.
16. Use it as a nozzle to provide a steady
stream on your garden hose.
17. Nail it to the wall and hang your
coffee mug on it.
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