MEN
MEASURE UP
1. Disrobe and stand by your keyboard. Rest
your left testicle in the rounded hollow on top of the "1" key. Rest your right
testicle in the key immediately below that. (You lumberjacks may have to use the A or even
the Z key).
2. Grasp your thing in your right hand and
slap it firmly across the number key row on your keyboard.
3. Place a copy of the June, 1999 Playboy
open to Pamela Sue Anderson at a distance of 2.5 feet. Rest your thing on the keyboard and
stare intently at the picture for five minutes, or until your feet leave the ground.
Repeat the above test.
Cautions:
1. Do not attempt this test after swimming.
You will skew the results.
2. Black men may wish to use a special
extended keyboard; or place two keyboards end to end.
3. If you try this test on a public
keyboard, you may want to swab it down with alcohol first.
4. On some keyboards, severe sparking may
result. Be sure to keep a fire extinguisher handy, and don't be afraid to use it.
5. Do not turn around suddenly and slap the
monitor.
Test Results
Diagnosis:
If you *score* a "1" -- You
suffer from Short Penis Syndrome.
If you *score* "12367" -- You
have a strange gap in your penis.
If you *score* "12efgbn" -- Your
penis has a right hand bend; sometimes called a hook.
If you *score* "12wgui,l=]\" --
Seek immediate medical care.
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