SHOULD
YOU GET MARRIED?
Men who can answer "yes" to five
or more of these questions should consider carefully before proposing marriage:
* In the kitchen, has she ever referred to
an oven as "that square thing?"
* Does she use the phrase "you
know" more than twice per sentence?
* Is she making monthly payments of more
than $300 to a plastic surgeon.
* Have you noticed her name tattooed on
three or more local bikers?
* Have you noticed three or more local
bikers' names tattooed on her?
* Does she regularly compare your
love-making talents to an old boyfriend's?
* Does she regularly compare your
love-making talents to the Green Bay Packers?
* Does she have a wholesale source for
Deodorant-in-a-Drum?
* Has she ever used the word poo-poo?
* If forced to use it at all, does she
choose to spell the word sex?
* Does her resume include a six-year stint
at Big Leg Emma's House of Painful Delights?
Women who can answer "yes" to
five or more of these questions should consider carefully before accepting a proposal of
marriage:
* On his first date with you, did he pick
you up early so you could help with his laundry?
* To reach him in an emergency, would
anyone think to call the local adult bookstore?
* Has he ever bragged about seeing every
episode of "Gilligan's Island" at least four times?
* Is it unclear to some people whether
that's a mustache or just a lot of unruly nose hair?
* Is his idea of a classy restaurant one
where every table has its own stack of ketchup packets?
* Does his car get more than sixty miles
per gallon?
* Does the label on his deodorant include
the phrase "Industrial Strength?"
* Has he memorized the telephone number of
at least one bail-bondsman?
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