WEDDING
INFORMATION
ANNOUNCEMENT:
It is the responsibility of the bride's
family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A
photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom,
education completed by both bride and groom (DO NOT include elementary school, unless that
was the terminal degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony (If
living with the brides parents, it is NOT necessary to specify where in the house you will
reside).
INVITATIONS:
Since you are having a planned wedding and
you are expecting a lot of free stuff, you MUST send out invitations! They do not have to
be lengthy. Something like "You are invited to watch ____ and ____ make it legal on
______." will suffice nicely. If you don't want to be so formal you can always run
down to the local bar and yell, "If you ain't doing nothin' on _____ why don't you
stop by my house for a cold one about 2 o'clock. Me and ____'s having some friends over to
watch the ball game and witness our wedding."
PROPER ATTIRE:
For the bride, the key words are "be
conservative." No matter how good it may look, refrain from wedding outfits made with
spandex or adorned with fringe. Excessive slits and dips also are frowned upon. This is
NOT the occasion to show the world how big "THEY" are.
For the groom, a rented tuxedo is haute
couture, but if it means the difference between going on a honeymoon and staying home,
consider some alternatives. For example, a leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean work
shirt can create a natty appearance. And though possibly uncomfortable, say yes to socks
and shoes for this special occasion.
THE CEREMONY:
No matter how urgent the event, loaded
weapons have no place at the alter. At the point in the ceremony that says, "If
anybody has any reason why these two should no be joined in holy matrimony..." tell
the preacher not to pause too long, old flames sometimes die hard and talk too much. As
the ceremony is concluded, you and ____ should realize that a short kiss will do. This is
neither the time nor the place to demonstrate your sexual expertise to the world. That's
why the video camera was invented.
RECEPTION:
Remember to reserve the UAW hall far in
advance, and avoid Saturdays, since that's bingo night. It is perfectly acceptable to ask
guests to wipe their feet before entering the hall. After all the cleaning deposit can be
the difference between an oil change and a full tune-up for the car.
When dancing never remove undergarments, no
matter how hot it is!!
COMMON WEDDING QUESTIONS AND
ANSWERS:
Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the
wedding?
A: Not if you are the groom.
Q: How many showers is the bride supposed
to have?
A: At least one within a week of the wedding.
Q: What music is recommended for the
wedding ceremony?
A: Anything except "Tied to the Whipping Post."
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