PERSONAL GUIDE FOR
MEN CAUGHT "LOOKING"
A guide to what men should say when caught
looking at another woman by their significant other:
* I can't believe that outfit she is
wearing. (Said disdainfully)
* Look at that guy... over there... behind
the woman.
* I think that's a man dressed as a woman.
(Incredulous)
* Isn't that the actress from the movie
'Delicatessen'? (Chances are she hasn't seen that movie - and neither have you, but you
will get brownie points naming a foreign film, and it will be just obtuse enough to
distract her.)
* I think that's the girl I knew from high
school who eventually joined a convent (or was committed to an asylum) and turned out to
be a real nut case.
* Help me, I got something in my eye...
can't see a thing!
* I was staring off into space because I
was about to have an epiphany about the direction of my life and the nature of my love for
you, but it's gone now, thank you very much!
* Hey, that's the loser I dumped in order
to go out with you. Boy, am I glad I ever got away from her. What a moron.
* I know you're probably thinking I was
staring at a beautiful woman, but to me she is like one of those fancy bakery cakes that
looks good, but then you have a bite and it is so sweet that it makes you sick. She makes
me sick. (It helps if you convulse a little at the end here... maybe it will camouflage
your drool).
* I was just thinking how I felt sorry for
her - since she can never hold a candle to you (this one might only get you punched, but
it's worth a try).
 
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