THE CLASSIFIEDS
If you see this describing a man,
here's what it really means:
40-ish - 52 and looking
for 25-yr-old
Athletic - Sits on the
couch and watches ESPN
Average looking - Unusual
hair growth on ears, nose,& back
Educated - Will always
treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit - Sleeps with
your sister
Friendship first - As long
as friendship involves nudity
Fun - Good with a remote
and a six pack
Good looking - Arrogant
Honest - Pathological Liar
Huggable - Overweight,
more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle -
Insecure, overly dependent
Mature - Until you get to
know him
Open-minded - Wants to
sleep with your sister
Physically fit - I spend a
lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself
Poet - Has written on a
bathroom stall
Spiritual - Once went to
church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
Stable - Occasional
stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful - Says
"please" when demanding a beer
If you see this describing a woman,
here's what it really means:
40-ish - 48
Adventurer - Has had more
partners than you ever will
Athletic - Flat-chested
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological
liar
Contagious Smile - Bring
your Penicillin
Educated - College dropout
Emotionally Secure -
Medicated
Feminist - Fat; ball
buster
Free spirit - Substance
user
Friendship first - Trying
to live down reputation as slut
Fun - Annoying
Gentle - Comatose
Good Listener - Borderline
Autistic
New-Age - All body hair,
all the time
Old-fashioned - Lights
out, missionary position only
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud
Passionate - Loud
Poet - Depressive
Schizophrenic
Professional - Real Witch
Redhead - Shops the
Clairol section
Ruebenesque - Grossly Fat
Romantic - Looks better by
candle light
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Weight proportional to height
- Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate - One step
away from stalking
Widow - Nagged first
husband to death
Young at heart - Toothless
crone
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