FATAL THINGS TO SAY
IF YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT
* "Sure you'll get your figure back
... we'll just search 1985 where you left it."
* "How come you're so much fatter than
the other chicks in Lamaze?"
* "What's the big deal? If you can
handle *me* going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out."
* "Hey, when you're finished puking in
there, get me a beer, willya?"
* "Yo, Fatass! You're blocking the
TV!"
* "I finished the Oreos."
* "Not to imply anything, but I don't
think the kid weighs forty pounds."
* "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never
guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!!"
* "I sure hope your thighs aren't
gonna stay that flabby forever!"
* "Well, couldn't they induce labor ?
The 25th is the Super Bowl."
* "Darned if you ain't about five
pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
* "Fred at the office passed a stone
the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
* "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought
I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
* "I'm jealous! Why can't men
experience the joy of childbirth?"
* "Are your ankles supposed to look
like that?"
* "Get your *own* ice cream."
* "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking
today."
* "Got milk?"
* "Maybe we should name the baby after
my secretary, Tawney."
* "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip
is the size of Madagascar!"
* "Retaining water? Yeah, like the
Hoover Dam..."
* "You don't have the guts to pull the
trigger..."
|
