RULES THAT GUYS
WISHED GIRLS KNEW
* If you think you're fat, you probably
are. Don't ask us.
* Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up
put it down.
* Don't cut your hair. Ever.
* Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries
are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
* If you ask a question you don't want an
answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
* Sometimes, he's not thinking about you.
Live with it.
* Don't ask him what he's thinking about
unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as fishing, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
* Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not
different, it's just like every other cat.
* Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
* Sunday 3D Sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
* Shopping is not a sport.
* Anything you wear is fine. Really.
* You have enough clothes.
* You have too many shoes.
* Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must,
but don't expect us to like it.
* Your brother is an idiot, your
ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
* Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't
work.
* No, he doesn't know what day it is. He
never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
* Yes, pissing standing up is more
difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
* Most guys own two to three pairs of
shoes; what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would
look good with your dress?
* Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers.
* A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
problem. See a doctor, now.
* Your Mom doesn't have to be our best
friend.
* Foreign films are best left to
foreigners.
* Check your oil.
* Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
* Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective
than deceived.
* Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
* If you don't dress like the Victoria's
Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
* If something we said can be interpreted
two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
* Let us ogle. If we don't look at other
women, how can we know how truly pretty you are?
* Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the
genie to come out.
* You can either ask us to do something OR
tell us how you want it done - but not both.
* Whenever possible, please say whatever
you have to say during commercials.
* Christopher Columbus didn't need
directions, and neither do we.
* Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut
blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
* Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you.
We need it, just like you do.
* Telling us that the models in the men's
magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to
deter us from reading the magazines.
* The relationship is never going to be
like it was the first two months we were going out.
 
|
