THE 5 HARDEST
QUESTIONS FOR MEN
The 5 toughest questions for men are:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is
that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers
incorrectly ( i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is
analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you
thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is:
"I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm,
wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met
you."
This response obviously bears no
resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
(Perhaps the best response to this question
was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was
thinking, I would be talking to you!")
Question # 2: Do you love
me?
The proper response is: "YES!"
or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, shit loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?
Question # 3: Do I look
fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of
course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the
insurance money if you died.
Question # 4: Do you think
she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an
emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty..
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the
insurance money if you died.
Question# 5: What would
you do if I died?
A definite no-win question.
(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a
Corvette!")
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