SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT
BE EXPERIENCING MENOPAUSE
* You sell your home heating system at a
yard sale. (Hot flashes)
* The person you sleep with complains about
snow piling up on the bed. (Nightsweats)
* Your husband jokes that instead of buying
a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying
you are not amused, you shoot him. (Mood swings)
* You write post-it notes with your kid's
names on them. (Memory loss)
* Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm
home." and you reply, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie f*cking Nelson".
(Irritability)
* The phenobarbital dose that wiped out the
Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest. (Sleeplessness)
* You find Guacamole in your hair after a
Mexican dinner. (Fatigue)
* You change your underwear after every
sneeze. (Mild incontinence)
* You need Jaws Of Life to help you out of
your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant. (Sudden weight gain)
* You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a
hoist. (Dryness)
* You take a sudden interest in
"Wrestlemania". (Female hormone deficiency)
* You're on so much estrogen that you take
your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales. (Hormone therapy)
 
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