THE MR. RIGHT
REJECTION LETTER FORM
Dear ( ____rejectee's name here_____ )
I regret to inform you that you have been
eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the
competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself
also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an
opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic
endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the
competition:
(Check all those that apply)
___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___ Your last name is objectionable. I
can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ The fact that our finest dining
experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you
"buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for
something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e.,
I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If
you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.
___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you
babe?" comment, given the 9-months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.
___ You failed the credit check.
___ I find your inability to fix my car
extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been
condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase "My Mother" has
popped up far too often in conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ You mention your ex-girlfriend's name
more than you mention mine.
___ Three words: size does matter.
Sincerely,
(Your name here)
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