WAYS TO BE OFFENSIVE
AT A WEDDING
* Show up with a baby and claim he belongs
to the newlyweds.
* Cover yourself with glue to improve your
chances of catching the bouquet.
* Offer to show people pictures of the
bride having sex with a dog.
* Tell people that you knew the bride
before the sex change operation.
* Tell the bride that the only reason you
can look at her is that you used to be a proctologist.
* As you move down the receiving line, spit
on each person.
* Ask the bride's mother to give you a hand
job.
* Give the bride some Binaca, and tell her
it kills the taste of sperm.
* Propose a toast to the bride's nose job.
* Steal the cards from the wedding gifts so
no one can tell who they came from.
* Walk up to various guests and demand to
see their invitations.
* After the bride throws her garter, start
people chanting, "Throw your bra, throw your bra..."
* Tell everyone that the groom had to be
given Quaaludes to keep him from backing out.
* Tell the rabbi that there's no money to
pay him, and ask if he'll settle for stupping the bride.
* Assure the bride's mother that the groom
is "hung like a horse."
* Return a bra which the bride left in your
car.
* When the bride is coming down the aisle,
push the organist out of the way and start playing, "The Lady is a Tramp."
* Instead of paying to dance with the bride
in the "Dollar Dance", ask her for a lap dance.
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