ROWING
The Navy and the Air Force decided to have
a canoe race on the Potomac River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak
performance before the race. On the big day, the Navy won by a mile. Afterwards, the Air
Force team became very discouraged and depressed. The officers of the Air Force team
decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found.
A "Metrics Team," made up of
senior officers was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their
conclusion was that the Navy had 8 seamen rowing and 1 officer steering, while the Air
Force had 1 airman rowing and 8 officers and NCOs steering.
So the senior officers of the Air Force
team hired a consulting company and paid them incredible amounts of money. They advised
that too many people were steering the boat and not enough people were rowing.
To prevent losing to the Navy again the
next year, the Air Force Chief of Staff made historic and sweeping changes: the rowing
team's organizational structure was totally realigned to 4 steering officers, 3 area
steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering NCO.
They also implemented a new performance
system that would give the 1 airman rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It
was called the "Air Force Rowing Team Quality Program", with meetings, dinners,
and a three-day pass for the rower. "We must give the rower empowerment and
enrichment through this quality program."
The next year the Navy won by 2 miles.
Humiliated, the Air Force leadership gave a
letter of reprimand to the rower for poor performance. Initiated a $4 billion program for
development of a new joint-service canoe, blamed the loss on a design defect in the
paddles, and issued career continuation bonuses and leather rowing jackets to the
beleaguered steering officers in the hopes they would stay for next year's race.
Meanwhile, the Army team is still trying to
figure out why the oars keep making divots in the grass when they're rowing.
 
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