NEW WORDS FOR THE
90'S
CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An
outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the top brass with
clean hands.
CUBE FARM: An office
filled with cubicles.
IDEA HAMSTERS: People who
always seem to have their idea generators running.
COMPUTER POTATO: The
on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMS (Single Income,
Two Children, Outrageous Mortgage): What yuppies turn into when they have children and one
of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
SQUIRT THE BIRD: To
transmit a signal to a satellite.
STARTER MARRIAGE: A
short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who
seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPED OUT: An ATM or
credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from
extensive use.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism
for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
GOING POSTAL: Euphemism
for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track
record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.
ASSMOSIS: The process by
which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather
than working hard.
BEEPILEPSY: The brief
seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode).
Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of speech in
mid-sentence.
ALPHA GEEK: The most
knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry,
he's the alpha geek around here."
CHIPS AND SALSA: Chips =
hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your
chips or your salsa."
DANCING BALONEY: Little
animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are useless and serve simply to impress clients.
"This page is kinda dull. Maybe a little dancing baloney will help."
DEPOTPHOBIA: Fear
associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend.
Electronics geeks experience SHACKOPHOBIA.
FLIGHT RISK: Used to
describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.
GENERICA: Features of the
American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is. "We were so lost
in generica, I actually forgot what city we were in."
IRRITAINMENT:
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop
watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example..
MIDAIR PASSENGER EXCHANGE:
Grim air-traffic-controller speak for a head-on collision. Midair passenger exchanges are
quickly followed by "aluminum rain."
PEBCAK: Tech support
shorthand for "Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard." Techies are a
frustrated, often arrogant lot. They've submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke
fun at the clueless users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions. Another
variation on the above is ID10T: "This guy has an ID-Ten-T on his system."
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
SQUARE-HEADED GIRLFRIEND:
Another word for a computer. The victim of a square-headed girlfriend is a "computer
widow."
TELEPHONE NUMBER SALARY: A
salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.
UMFRIEND: A sexual
relation of dubious standing. "This is uh.. Dale, my...um...friend..."
UNINSTALLED: Euphemism for
being fired. Heard on the voice mail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm:
"You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main
number and ask the operator for assistance." See also DECRUITMENT.
VULCAN NERVE PINCH: The
taxing hand position required to reach all of the appropriate keys for certain commands.
For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the
Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS: The
ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the
bill after a meal: "We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food
stamps."
 
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