WHATEVER
HAPPENED TO THOSE DISNEY CHARACTERS?
We have all grown up knowing and loving the
characters produced by Walt Disney and his successors at the Disney company. From Mickey
Mouse to Aladdin, Disney has always given us something to laugh at, someone to cry for,
something to hope for and a star to wish upon.
Now, however, is has been revealed that the
stars of these memorable cartoons may not have been the paragons of hope and happiness we
always thought they were. Here, for the first time ever, are the fates to have befallen
many of your favorite Disney characters.
MICKEY MOUSE - died of
venereal disease after visiting multiple prostitutes because Minnie said "No"
for 50 years.
DONALD DUCK - served as a
main course at Epcot's China Pavilion.
PLUTO - caught by
dogcatchers, put to sleep after he was never claimed.
GOOFY - assassinated
during first term as President of the United States.
SCROOGE MCDUCK - died in
extreme poverty after being audited by the IRS.
HUEY, DEWEY & LOUIE -
involved in an underground child pornography ring.
SNOW WHITE - fell for the
"apple trick" again.
DOPEY - 'nuff said.
SNEEZY - died of pneumonia
with Jim Henson.
GRUMPY - executed after
gunning down 15 people in a local McDonalds.
HAPPY - killed by insane
gunman at a local McDonalds.
DOC - was sued for
malpractice, lived the rest of his life living under bridges and eating out of used cat
food cans.
SLEEPY - never woke up.
BASHFUL - now a stripper
with the Chippendales.
MARY POPPINS - shot down
over Iraqi airspace.
CHRISTOPHER ROBIN - male
prostitute, died of a heroin overdose.
WINNIE THE POOH - had a
heart attack caused by a cholesterol level of 570.
PIGLET - gunned down in a
Mafia hit.
RABBIT - died of an
aneurysm while watching over his garden.
EEYORE - committed
suicide.
ROO - smothered to death
by Kanga.
KANGA - put to death by
the state.
TIGGER - accidentally
bounced off the edge of a cliff.
ALICE (OF WONDERLAND) -
institutionalized for life.
THE MAD HATTER - died of
mercury poisoning.
DORMOUSE - drowned in a
teapot.
THE QUEEN OF HEARTS -
guillotined during the revolution.
TWEEDLEDEE & TWEEDLEDUM
- died of excessive weight loss at a fat farm.
SLEEPING BEAUTY - slept
until 1986, contracted AIDS from "Prince Charming."
CINDERELLA - killed by
stepsisters and stepmother in a jealous rage.
PINOCCHIO - is now a very
comfortable Ottoman.
JIMINY CRICKET - died
after impacting a windshield at high Speeds.
FIGARO - strung tightly on
a Les Paul guitar.
DUMBO - sucked into the
engine of a 747.
PETER PAN - Christopher
Robin's lover, committed suicide in despair.
TINKERBELL - caught by
some kid who forgot to punch holes in the lid.
BAMBI - shot by NRA member
with an AK-47. His body was never found.
BALOO - is now decorating
the floor in front of a fireplace.
LADY & THE TRAMP -
sold to a Cantonese restaurant.
101 DALMATIANS - sold to
the Ringling Bros. Circus, were eaten by lions.
THE RESCUERS - involved in
cancer research.
TRON - someone pulled the
plug out by accident.
CAPTAIN EO - had a leak in
his spacesuit.
JESSICA RABBIT - backup
singer for Guns 'N Roses.
THE LITTLE MERMAID -
caught by Mrs. Paul's Inc.
ALADDIN - was caught
stealing one too many times, is now being traded nightly at Leavenworth for a pack of
menthols.
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