TOP 21 GOOD THINGS
ABOUT HELL
21. None of that annoying check-in
procedure like with St. Peter.
20. Due to recent health code changes, vats
of boiling brimstone now use low-fat canola oil.
19. Your "Do you smell something
burning?" slays 'em, year after year.
18. Plenty of legal help available for
filing "wrongful death" lawsuit.
17. Newly passed law: Three strikes and
you're back in LA.
16. Satan's confused attempts to torture
masochists can be highly entertaining.
15. No need to pack the parka over Bob
Dole's election chances.
14. Well, sure, it's hot, but it's a *dry*
heat.
13. Free prostate checks and PAP smears
administered daily!
12. The surprisingly entertaining
"Hitler and Kathie Lee Show."
11. Every Thursday is Karaoke Night, hosted
by Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr.
10. Prizes awarded for best crank phone
calls to God.
9. Everywhere you look, there's a smoking
section!
8. Big step up from Bakersfield.
7. Your little "blue flame" trick
now produces spectacular results.
6. Free Microsoft software for everyone (as
per agreement made back in early 80's).
5. Now that you've followed her advice, you
just might get that date with Cindy Crawford.
4. 52 smmmmmokin' channels of Jim Carrey!
3. Saturday night WWF tag-team bout between
Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, and Hitler.
2. Everyone gets a length of pipe and a
daily crack at Nancy Kerrigan's knee.
1. Fortune to be made on "Welcome,
O.J." T-shirts.
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