THE ITALIAN WAY
Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the
street. "Hey, Antonio," said Luigi. "Where you been for the past two weeks?
No one seen you around."
"Donna talka to me, Luigi,"
replied Antonio. "I been inna da jail."
"Jail!" exclaimed Luigi.
"What for you been in jail?"
"Wella, Luigi," Antonio said,
"I was lying onna da beach, and the cops come, arresta me and throw me inna
jail."
"But dey donna throw you in jail just
for lying onna da beach!" Luigi countered.
"Yeah, but dissa beach was ascreamin'
and akickin' and ayellin'."
A bus stopped and two Italian men got on.
They sat down together and engaged in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind
them ignored them at first, but her attention was galvanized when she heard one of the men
become graphic.
"Emma come first. Denna I
come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come
together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine,"
said the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives
in public!"
"Hey, coola down
lady," said the man. "Imma justa tellun my friend howa to spella
Mississippi."
One day, imma gonna New York City to bigga
hotel. Inna morning, I go to eat breakfast. I tella the waitress, I wanna two pissa toast.
She bringa me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say
no understand, I wanna two piss onna plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you
sonna ma bitch. I donna even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch.
Later I go eat at bigga restaurant. The
waitress bring me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock, shee tella me
everyone wanna fock. I tella her you dont understand, i wanna fock on the table. She say
you better no fock onna table, you sonna ma bitch.
So, I go back to my room inna hotel and
there is no shite onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna shite onna my bed.
He say you better no shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.
I go check out and the man at the desk say
"peasce on you". I say piss onna you too, you sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to
Italy.
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