LAUNDRY
STAIN REMOVAL GUIDE
Here's a handy guide to getting out those
pesky fabric stains:
Blood - Spill more blood
around area of stain so it won't stand out as much.
Ink - Fall to knees and
plead, "Why, God, why? Why dost thou test me so?"
Grass - Write the name of
your liquid detergent on stain. Wash. Hold up to camera, and show off the unbelievable
results.
Mud - Place large iron-on
NASCAR patch over stain. Apply heat for 60 seconds.
Tomato Sauce - Take out
the mook responsible for your tomato-sauce stain by executing him gangland-style in the
back of the head. Capeche?
Coffee - Rub cream and
sugar into stain. Apply oral suction. Enjoy rich, robust coffee-stain flavor.
Wine - Apply mixture of
1/2 rum and 1/2 Coke to self until you no longer care about some little freaking stain.
Chewing Gum - Using
permanent marker, draw dotted line around stain. Cut carefully on dotted line.
Nail Polish - Nail-polish
stains are actually quite lovely. Why not leave them in for a pleasing
"homecrafted" look?
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