SIGNS THAT YOU
SUFFER "ROAD RAGE"
* For lack of a more effective weapon, you
find yourself threatening other drivers with the cigarette lighter.
* You exchange your Uzi with laser sighting
for a "more serious weapon."
* You've stopped wearing pants in the car
to make it easier to moon tailgaters.
* Local Crips now have a hand signal for
"Get Off The Road, That Psycho's Coming!"
* On your license, under
"restrictions", it says, "Valium Required."
* That Yugo hood ornament on your 4X4 is
not *actually* an ornament.
* The only thing that calms you down is
your trusty Megadeth CD.
* The need to wring Dr. Laura
Schlessinger's neck is just a bit more urgent than usual.
* You swear more before you get to work
than most gangsta rappers do all day.
* You threaten to run over the person in
front of you, even though you're in line for communion.
* The car's a year old, but you're already
on your fifth horn.
* Your saw blades don't work, your voice is
out of sync with your mouth, and Speed Racer has just beaten you in another race.
* You've traded your plastic statue of St.
Christopher for one of A.C. Cowlings.
* You'd flash your brights at that slow
dumbass Jacob ahead of you if your buggy only had headlights.
* You've plowed more pedestrians than Wilt
Chamberlain.
 
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